I don't like color. In fact I hate it. There was a time when I would have told you that black was my favorite color, or lack thereof. When Chad & I were first engaged, if you would have asked me what colors my bridesmaids and I would be wearing at MY wedding... I can assure you that yellow, would NOT have been one of them.
It all started one afternoon when I was window shopping, searching for something, anything that would point me in the right direction concerning my wedding "look." This task was a lot harder than I thought it would be - a never ending back and forth of self-doubt. Because at your wedding, naturally you want to stand out and it provides the perfect setting to show off and make a statement. I needed MY statement. And then as I was casually browsing one of my favorite stores, BHLDN, I saw them from the corner of my eye. As I turned my head towards them, my heart started to beat just a little faster. From across the room they were inviting me over and as I walked towards them, "I Want, I Want" alarms kept going off in my head. As I approached the pair of bright yellow-colored heels with big, dainty bows on top I couldn't help but think I must be crazy. These were sooo not like me. Yellow? I hate yellow...right? Yellow is or was a cardinal sin at weddings... isn't it? Surely this was just one of those quirky finds that I would fall out of love with just as fast as I had fallen in love with them. So I walked away, leaving BHLDN empty handed. Feeling confident that I had intervened before I could commit to some faux pas wedding color disaster that I would look back on and always regret, like ruffles and shoulder pads.
But over the next couple of weeks those silly bright yellow-colored heels with big, dainty bows on top kept creeping back up in my mind. I went on a war path searching for something, anything that wasn't bright yellow, because yellow was never in my original plan. The plan had always been a winter wedding, with black dresses - a formal affair, somewhere tucked into the mountains. The reality was a beautiful, more relaxed, rustic barn nestled in Texas Hill Country in June. Basically the total opposite. So what is a girl to do? I wanted these silly heels and that once-thought terrible color - I wanted them bad.
It is strange to say that I felt like choosing this meant that I was betraying myself, I was betraying that 14 year old who had played countless games of MASH and had worked all of these fine details out in her head. She had spent countless hours working things out to the finest detail- knew her first dance song, knew the flavor of the cake, knew the car model driving them away. On the other hand this same girl I was betraying was also delusional in that her groom was going to be Jake Gyllenhaal. So how reliable was her judgement in the first place?
At some point you just have to go with your gut. Realize that what you may have always wanted, was not the same as what you might want right now. What you always thought you would have may not be what you will get. The only thing that really matters is doing what makes you happy and what makes your day special to you. My day was made special by the shoes that I wore, that lead to the color of my best friends dresses, that determined the color of the flowers in my hands, the arrangements on the table, the ties on the boys, the shoes on my groom, the necklace that I wore and the happiness in my heart. Somehow yellow made my day perfect...go figure.
XOXO-Lindsay
Photo Credit: Nathan Russell Photography | Floral: Petal Pushers | Venue: Vista West Ranch
