It started with a pair of bright yellow heels...

I don't like color. In fact I hate it. There was a time when I would have told you that black was my favorite color, or lack thereof. When Chad & I were first engaged,  if you would have asked me what colors my bridesmaids and I would be wearing at MY wedding... I can assure you that yellow, would NOT have been one of them.

It all started one afternoon when I was window shopping, searching for something, anything that would point me in the right direction concerning my wedding "look." This task was a lot harder than I thought it would be - a never ending back and forth of self-doubt. Because at your wedding, naturally you want to stand out and it provides the perfect setting to show off and make a statement. I needed MY statement. And then as I was casually browsing one of my favorite stores, BHLDN, I saw them from the corner of my eye. As I turned my head towards them, my heart started to beat just a little faster. From across the room they were inviting me over and as I walked towards them, "I Want, I Want" alarms kept going off in my head. As I approached the pair of bright yellow-colored heels with big, dainty bows on top I couldn't help but think I must be crazy. These were sooo not like me. Yellow? I hate yellow...right? Yellow is or was a cardinal sin at weddings... isn't it? Surely this was just one of those quirky finds that I would fall out of love with just as fast as I had fallen in love with them. So I walked away, leaving BHLDN empty handed. Feeling confident that I had intervened before I could commit to some faux pas wedding color disaster that I would look back on and always regret, like ruffles and shoulder pads.

But over the next couple of weeks those silly bright yellow-colored heels with big, dainty bows on top kept creeping back up in my mind. I went on a war path searching for something, anything that wasn't bright yellow, because yellow was never in my original plan. The plan had always been a winter wedding, with black dresses - a formal affair, somewhere tucked into the mountains. The reality was a beautiful, more relaxed, rustic barn nestled in Texas Hill Country in June. Basically the total opposite. So what is a girl to do? I wanted these silly heels and that once-thought terrible color - I wanted them bad.

It is strange to say that I felt like choosing this meant that I was betraying myself, I was betraying that 14 year old who had played countless games of MASH and had worked all of these fine details out in her head. She had spent countless hours working things out to the finest detail- knew her first dance song, knew the flavor of the cake, knew the car model driving them away. On the other hand this same girl I was betraying was also delusional in that her groom was going to be Jake Gyllenhaal. So how reliable was her judgement in the first place?

At some point you just have to go with your gut. Realize that what you may have always wanted, was not the same as what you might want right now. What you always thought you would have may not be what you will get. The only thing that really matters is doing what makes you happy and what makes your day special to you. My day was made special by the shoes that I wore, that lead to the color of my best friends dresses, that determined the color of the flowers in my hands, the arrangements on the table, the ties on the boys, the shoes on my groom, the necklace that I wore and the happiness in my heart. Somehow yellow made my day perfect...go figure.


Photo Credit: Nathan Russell Photography | Floral: Petal Pushers | Venue: Vista West Ranch

Easier Said Than Done...

I suppose it most likely began at the beginning. You know, the moment when your lobster (Friends reference) is down on one knee and everything starts...from that moment. It's like being a horse at a race, you are lined up at the gate, waiting for that shot to be fired, then BAM you are off and you don't slow down until you reach the finish line. Planning any event I suppose never runs as smoothly as you anticipate. There are so many things that come up that you had never even thought of, like who cares about this stuff anyway, will anyone even notice... but, at some point you will care and at some point it will drive you crazy. The important thing to remember is not to sweat over it- at least that is what everyone told me. Easier said than done was my immediate response.

Chad and I had an 18 month engagement which I thought would make the planning process so easy and less painful then a shorter engagement period. Yea, not so much. I could not even begin to tell you how many times I went back and forth over the same stuff. It is this terrible cycle that just keeps going and never stops. The colors, the theme, the style, the plates, the silverware, cupcakes or cake, veil or no veil, jewelry, bridesmaids gifts, linens, layout, music... GAH! It just goes on and on and on and on and on and on. I didn't anticipate this whole thing taking over so much of my time, my life.

It was as if suddenly at my weakest moment when I thought I couldn't read another vendor email or make another decision about napkin colors- I just said what the hell. I threw my hands up in the air. It could have been a mixture of the stress or the alcohol that I had ingested to get me through the wedding planning process thus far or maybe the lightbulb went off about the fact that I was preparing to marry my childhood bestie. I don't really know what it was, and I doubt I ever will. What I do know is that I am so glad it happened. It's like this calm feeling starts to settle all over you- you still care, but you just don't care at the same time. The rational side of your brain suddenly realizes that the professionals you have hired can do their jobs, that friends you have in your wedding party will help you, and that it is silly to put so much stress on yourself for 6 hours for one day when you have a lifetime to spend with this person.

For me the first year of planning was hell. The final lap of the race to the finish line was the best. I enjoyed it and I miss it. I miss not having 30 e-mails in my inbox a day about random wedding tasks and I even miss my morning/afternoon/night calls with my mother to talk it all out. I never thought I would say that, let alone write down. The things that frustrated me before seemed silly now. As if I could do it over and not make the same mistakes... yea right. I guess maybe the people who I had once rolled my eyes at for their comments about "enjoying the little things", "don't sweat the small stuff", "no one will notice if something isn't exactly how you wanted it" had a point.

I figured after it was over that I would be so relieved it was done, but that couldn't be further from what I feel. It is another one of those weird things that I may never understand why I feel that way. It has nothing to do with my life post wedding, because life post wedding is AWESOME. I am so happy to be married to Chad- we got a new dog, we are buying our first home and I love him more now than I did before. I think it comes down to finding a way in the beginning to enjoy planning, to make the effort to relax, to try and not overwhelm yourself. This is such an exciting time and you have to remember to treasure it.


Lobsters for Life

Anybody still out there?

Hello everyone! We've finally had time to catch our breaths from weddings, bridal shows & open houses. Its been an amazing winter so far and we thank you for being a part of it! I also wanted to have a special shout out to Mrs. Cindy Pearson (Stacey's mom) today. She's in surgery today and we are sending a bunch of warm fuzzies her way. Here is an beautiful photo Micheal Hooks took at the Vista West Ranch Open House on Wednesday. Love you Cindy! Wishing you a speedy recovery. xoxo,

The Petal Pushers Girls