I suppose it most likely began at the beginning. You know, the moment when your lobster (Friends reference) is down on one knee and everything starts...from that moment. It's like being a horse at a race, you are lined up at the gate, waiting for that shot to be fired, then BAM you are off and you don't slow down until you reach the finish line. Planning any event I suppose never runs as smoothly as you anticipate. There are so many things that come up that you had never even thought of, like who cares about this stuff anyway, will anyone even notice... but, at some point you will care and at some point it will drive you crazy. The important thing to remember is not to sweat over it- at least that is what everyone told me. Easier said than done was my immediate response.
Chad and I had an 18 month engagement which I thought would make the planning process so easy and less painful then a shorter engagement period. Yea, not so much. I could not even begin to tell you how many times I went back and forth over the same stuff. It is this terrible cycle that just keeps going and never stops. The colors, the theme, the style, the plates, the silverware, cupcakes or cake, veil or no veil, jewelry, bridesmaids gifts, linens, layout, music... GAH! It just goes on and on and on and on and on and on. I didn't anticipate this whole thing taking over so much of my time, my life.
It was as if suddenly at my weakest moment when I thought I couldn't read another vendor email or make another decision about napkin colors- I just said what the hell. I threw my hands up in the air. It could have been a mixture of the stress or the alcohol that I had ingested to get me through the wedding planning process thus far or maybe the lightbulb went off about the fact that I was preparing to marry my childhood bestie. I don't really know what it was, and I doubt I ever will. What I do know is that I am so glad it happened. It's like this calm feeling starts to settle all over you- you still care, but you just don't care at the same time. The rational side of your brain suddenly realizes that the professionals you have hired can do their jobs, that friends you have in your wedding party will help you, and that it is silly to put so much stress on yourself for 6 hours for one day when you have a lifetime to spend with this person.
For me the first year of planning was hell. The final lap of the race to the finish line was the best. I enjoyed it and I miss it. I miss not having 30 e-mails in my inbox a day about random wedding tasks and I even miss my morning/afternoon/night calls with my mother to talk it all out. I never thought I would say that, let alone write down. The things that frustrated me before seemed silly now. As if I could do it over and not make the same mistakes... yea right. I guess maybe the people who I had once rolled my eyes at for their comments about "enjoying the little things", "don't sweat the small stuff", "no one will notice if something isn't exactly how you wanted it" had a point.
I figured after it was over that I would be so relieved it was done, but that couldn't be further from what I feel. It is another one of those weird things that I may never understand why I feel that way. It has nothing to do with my life post wedding, because life post wedding is AWESOME. I am so happy to be married to Chad- we got a new dog, we are buying our first home and I love him more now than I did before. I think it comes down to finding a way in the beginning to enjoy planning, to make the effort to relax, to try and not overwhelm yourself. This is such an exciting time and you have to remember to treasure it.
Lobsters for Life